Guide for parents: how to deal with bullies
Bullying isn’t an easy topic and unfortunately more and more kids are experiencing bullying at school these days. Very often, children and teenagers are unwilling to tell parents about being bullied for a few different reasons: they may feel embarrassed, scared or worried that it will only make the situation worse. Clearly as a parent you want the best for your child and no matter what – you want to protect them. With the beginning of the new school year, we had a closer look on that topic and here is the advice we can give to any parents finding themselves in this situation.
1. Remember that bullying exist in many forms
As far as we mostly concentrate on the bullying at school, we need to remember that it can have many forms. It could be verbal, physical and emotional (spreading rumours etc). Considering the vast use of social media and kids having their own profiles on platforms such as Facebook or Instagram at the very early age, as a parent you should definitely take that into consideration, as the inappropriate behaviours between kids may also occur outside of school.
2. Give your child the full attention
Paying attention to changing behaviour is really important and also shows the young person that you are taking them seriously. Active listening will allow you to see what the real problem is and what is your child trying to communicate. It is important to realise that most of the kids don’t really want to talk about it, therefore observing and noticing any kind of changing behaviour is essential, typical bullying symptoms include physical complaints such as tummy aches, as well as worries and fears, and a child not wanting to go to school. And remember that establishing good communication should start well before the kids are having bullying problems.
3. Don’t panic
If you can see the signs that your child is being bullied at school, the worst thing to do is panic. You really need to stay calm as this would support good listening and also make sure that your child doesn’t get discourage from sharing their feelings with you. Clearly explain to your kids the next steps and the reasons why you might feel concerned.
4. Teach the right way to react
Children must understand that bullies have a need for power and control over others and a desire to hurt people. They often lack self-control, empathy, and sensitivity. With that said, it’s helpful for children to use these strategies when dealing with bullies:
- Don’t let a bully make you feel bad. When someone says something bad about you, say something positive to yourself. Remind yourself of your positive attributes.
- Tell the bully how you feel, why you feel the way you do, and what you want the bully to do. Learn to do this with a calm and determined voice. Say, for example, “I feel angry when you call me names because I have a real name. I want you to start calling me by my real name.”
- Don’t reward the bully with tears. The bully wants to hurt your feelings, so act like his name-calling and taunts don’t hurt. You can do this by admitting the bully is right. For example, when the bully calls you “fatty,” look him in the eye and say calmly, “You know, I do need to start getting more exercise.” Then walk off with confidence.
- Disarm the bully with humor. Laugh at his threats and walk away from him.
- Use your best judgment, and follow your instincts. If the bully wants your homework, and you think he is about to hurt you, give him your work and walk off with confidence. Then tell an adult what happened.
- Don’t expect to be mistreated. When walking toward a group of children, think of them as being nice to you, and do your best to be friendly. Most important, treat others the way you want to be treated. Stand up for other students who are bullied, and ask them to stand up for you.
4. Be tactful and careful when talking to others
Discuss with your children some realistic options to address the behaviour. Whether it’s writing things down or talking to someone – be mindful and understanding while exploring each option. Check with your kids how they feel about you approaching the school teacher or headmaster about the issue and if needed make an appointment to speak to the youth worker or school psychologist – another adult that your child feels comfortable with.
